This excerpt from "I Not Mad At'all" came about as a result of my observation of women in Trinidad during my younger years. I spent a lot of time taking in scenes and listening. This is just a small, reimagined picture of locals and their day to day lives.

I Not Mad At’all

by Mark James 

Nobody wanted what I had anymore. People find they’self going down in Town, not to buy cloth from Jimmy Aboud or Patrick’s. They wanted brand new fashion styles that look like what they see on American TV. Marcel sayin’ how I get too high and mighty now and how I chargin’ too much just tuh make a jacket fuh he wedding next month. D’man much rather have somet’ing that look like what everybody else wearin’ than have a custom tailor-made original in he closet. I still goin’ and buy my fabric and do what I know how to do to d’best of my ability. Ah mean, after all I didn’t go to Ms. Mary’s  Sewing School for Tailors and Seamstresses for nothing.
Maybe she think I is some kinda asshole or something. Please excuse my language. But ah does get so mad when people think meh stupid. How I go give this woman the dress I make fuh she; she want me to give it tuh she fuh a party coming up tomorrow night because she don’t have nothing else good tuh wear, and not get paid for all the fabric and time and effort I put into it. “Ah mean, is just $65.00! Come nah, ah go pay yuh nex’week.” Brenda Pierre must think she slick, same one who take d’last outfit I make an’go wine-up and skin-up and drop she ass down on d’foor in some fete then come back with it ripped to complain ‘bout how it wasn’t made properly. Ha! These people really know how tuh cross me.
I put my business together on my own. After Fredrick leave me because he say ah’ barren and kya make no baby for he to be proud of. He call he’self leavin’ me as if I’go shrivel up and dead just because he take’way what between he leg and go two avenues over to where I know he wanted to be in d’first place. A woman have to stand she ground. My mother didn't raise me to beg no man tuh stay when he not wantin’ to be kept. My mother, God rest she soul, left this house to me so when he look me in my face and threaten to walk out, I sit my behind down in this chair, in front of my sewing machine, push meh skirt between meh legs, reach over and turn up d’radio and start workin’ on finishin’ touches for d‘bridesmaids dresses I was working on at the time. I hear him say somt’ing or another, probably cussin’ me out good, I don’t give a damn, eventually he leave. My shop set-up right where d’front gallery used to be. Extension put onto the front’a d’house and glass window add on with a new sign and price list to let people know how much things cost. Mr. David do a nice job fuh me, yes. Although I think he was a’lil sweet on meh and was hoping to pick up where Fredrick leave off. I was very proud, of d’buildin’ ah mean, and also for not givin’ into weakness. Man doh have shit with dem. That was ten years ago. I keep up my place nice, as best I could. Do everyt’ing myself after David help get it started. I decide tuh just put all d’things that people doh come for in d’window. It go’sell! My work speaks for it’self.
Aileen say she comin’ tuh see me today. I like her just fine but she never have not’ing but bad news to talk. Sometimes ah does get sick a’dem t’ing. Last time she leave here I was so depressed. “Dickson mother dead, yuh know...How dem chilren bad so, ah go hear bout dem, by next year either dey dead, or in jail, mark my words...Yuh know Susan big daughter Natalie, she pregnant! No man to marry she, is a shame...” Just thinkin’ about she comin’ here to run she mout’ and ah gettin’ a headache. Once in a while she does gim’meh good information. Ah know she was outside long before ah stop sewing to answer d’door. Always draggin‘ she two foot on d‘pavement, too much in a hurry to stop and put on proper shoes so she have on what supposed to be house slippers. Latch on meh gate bangin’, foot scraping d’road and she mout‘ goin‘. “Eh, heh is so? Watch yuh’self wid dem t’ing all that glitters is not potential gold baby, yuh betta pay attention.” She was talkin‘ tuh my next door neighbor Rose. Aileen live three streets over from me, yuh would t’ink Crescent Avenue was where she house was, seein‘ as how she know everybody and all a’what does go on behind dey closed doors. She knockin’ on d’storefront door, she big ample hips steady jigglin’ since she can’t stop quiet for twistin‘ and turnin’. As always she bring bad news and some good news, not much’a d’good though, she tellin’ me how Hazel done put out Fredrick from she house. “Why you tellin’ me ‘bout he? I doh want tuh hear ‘bout that man and d’woman he done lef’ meh for!” I was heated. So mad ah gone and mess up d’stitch on some pants ah was makin’. “Girl hush, ah not trying to upset yuh, I know yuh doh want he again.” Aileen put she jaw and she two lips together and let out long sh’tupes as if to say she wasn’t considerin’ me and my feelin’s ‘bout Fredrick anyway. So I let it go and decide to laugh when she start to describe how after hearin’ loud noise and cussin comin’ from inside d’house, Hazel and Fredrick come stumblin’ out the front door into d’yard; she on-top a’he wailin’ on he ass good, she even manage to damage he face up, all dem nice gold rings he buy for she wid my money en’up as weapon. Boone had to come drag she off him. Some sayin’ they never see Hazel so, she was mad like hell. Always more tuh d’story, especially where dat man is concerned. But, he no-longer my problem. Say what yuh want ‘bout Aileen, she is a good friend, d’only one a’have.
Three years now since I had a man to call mine. In between Fredrick I had some suiters here and there. Nobody to talk ‘bout just somt’ing to do tuh pass d’time. I was no slouch in d’looks department, had a shape on me dat make man mout’ water. Most of d’time dey call meh stuck up or lesbian because I doh give dem no sex. More and more I thinkin’ about Fredrick since I hear the talk from Aileen last week. Where he is and who he wid, as hard as it was to know he was leavin’ me and why, it was somet’ing about knowin’ he was goin’ to be taken care of dat put meh mind at ease. It crazy, I know what yuh thinkin’. Life not always d’easiest t’ing tuh make sense of. Next time Aileen come over, I let she in and listened to bad news, some had sequels some had sad ending. I was thinkin’ up a happy endin’ to a story I done conceive on meh own when I ask her this: “So yuh hear anymore concernin’ Freddy and Hazel?” Aileen raise up she voice, “Oh is ‘Freddy’ now, ah t’ought he name was ‘good-for-nothing son-of-a bitch!'" “Ah just askin‘ a question, so much for makin‘ conversation...” I wasn’t sure I believe meh own self much less if ah did convince Aileen how little interest I had in a man that left me for another a long time ago. “Anyway girl here yuh two piece-a-curtain fuh d’kitchen, just gimme $25.00 and call it done. Aileen pay me and start to lift she big ass from off d’bench that was pushed up against the wall where all my pattern cutouts hung from. Before she leave she say, “Don’t make me a liar, Sandra. You is d’only girlfriend I have that ah does blab to everybody ‘bout how smart yuh is when it come tuh man and who could run she own store without help from nobody else. If he was here, none-a-this would be standin’.” She waivin’ her hand around and pointin’ to the four walls of the Ms. Sandy’s Dress-Shop. After she gone ah thinkin’ hard and lookin’ around d’room at all the years of hard work and sacrifice in front-a-meh face.